Him.

The real is how I’m feeling makes me seem weak.

I have to be hard, and strong.

It’s a man’s job from the start.
Protecting all things including my heart.
I want you to get closer, but as soon as you do, my armour will move us apart.

It’s invisable to your eyes, and the key is locked away.
If I remove the protective cover, how do I know you’ll want to stay?
If I show you the truth of myself, will you stick around for what comes day after day, after day?

I want the proof that’s in the pudding

I want…You

But..
I don’t know how to state the facts.

So I keep you at a distance,  and I’m cool with doing that.

Except….
I still want you,  and it won’t go away.
Feeling weak.
my bones aching for love.

I crave it

but I’m afraid to say it

even more afraid to show it.

Wondering what a million tomorrows would be like with you
and I’m afraid to let you know it.

So, I don’t
And. I’m alone..craving
—————————————————————
My words above, but his feelings. He talked, and I mentally composed His thoughts, AND told him that too!

So yea, in a nutshell, this is what I get from.. “Him.”
Nice guy, close to wonderful and this chump is afraid! You heard me–AFRAID!

We connect in lots of ways.
An endless supply of stimulation for my mind is required, and he delivers. That alone, is quite refreshing.
But then…His fears take over.

I get it, men have fears too.
I never doubted it, I don’t think I’ve heard it put so basic, exact and upfront before, but I get it.

There is this notion though, that men shouldn’t feel, or show weakness, and for whatever reason, showing REAL emotion equals….weakness.

I personally think it’s a stupid notion.

Let me clarify.
Now, I don’t want some needy, blubbering cry baby all up and through my space, throwing my energy off.
NO.
I’m not saying that.

I’m saying it’s ok to feel.
To show it.
To care about it, and let her know it.

I gave him a good piece of pie, by way of a-tell- it- like- it- is moment, and it went something like this:

I hear you, I really do, but what you are saying is that you’re afraid to show yourself. I’m struggling with the whole concept of how you think that realization will fit with me. You want something solid, yet you are afraid to offer the same. You want to show yourself on the surface, but you want them to go deep. And you say you want proof? Can’t do it. Time and effort will show the proof.
Look, I’m not into guarantees or make believe.
At this moment, to give guarantees on how this will turn out would be premature,  and truly foolish.

Their are no guarantees ok.

I can assure you this though, if you keep this up, you’ll find yourself alone time and time again.
Ha!
Now that, I can guarantee.
Your mind is misleading you.
Use your heart, and not your mind.
Be willing.
Try.
And if you get hurt, go through that.
It happens.
Get back up and dust off.
Try again.

He looked at me.. I mean a deep look, and said, “I’m really a great guy, with alot to give, I just don’t want to show myself and be left after I’ve given so much, I’m a great guy though. ”

I replied, “I bet you are, but if you are too afraid to show it,  no one will ever know.”

And that was pretty much it. I’m just gonna leave that one right there.
What I’m not gonna do is spend my time reassuring,  and trying to break through walls that are unbreakable. Nope, not doing that.
We’re all afraid of something, but I’m just not in the mood for this right now.

*rolls eyes*

And so it continues…

Peace and love,
Dee

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